BLUES SEING BLUE AFTER DOGS BITE BACK
By AFL Correspondent Mr Nathan Macklin

The UQ Bulldogs have done it again! In what was one of the best games played in the history of football the UQ Bulldogs produced an absolutely miraculous comeback despite never looking in the game to win against Coolangatta Tweed Heads by 2 points.
A fairly even start to the game with wasted opportunities to the Dogs saw them come in with a slender 7 point lead 19-6. After the first change though the bulldogs looked out of their league, absolutely dominated at both ends of the ground.
Coolangatta were up at the half 8.2.50 to Uni's 4.7.31.
Coolangatta Tweed continued to pile on the pressure as the Bulldogs looked down and out and increased their lead to be up 10.4.66 to 5.7.37 at the final change.
Then the game changed on its head. All the fitness work Coach Richie had been forcing the Dogs to do finally came to the fore as the Dogs began to run out the final quarter as if it were the first while Coolangatta looked out on their feet.
The quarter started badly though with the Dogs having almost all the possession but kicked 9 straight behinds to still be down 66-44 with less then ten minutes to go.
Then the Dogs got their kicking boots on and managed to kick 4 goals straight to go ahead for the first time since the first quarter and hold on in the tense final moments to win an absolute thriller 9.16.70 to 10.8.68.
This win ensures the Bulldogs get next week off and go straight to the prelims in two weeks time, meaning Nathan Macklin is right to drink this weekend!
Coach Richie was unavailable for comment.  ¶ 9/05/2005 10:35:00 AM

  OAKLEIGH PARK OWN LANG PARK
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

The crowd of over 40 000 at Friday night’s ANZAC test at Lang Park can thank the visitors from Oakleigh Park for the amazing atmosphere that surrounded the football match.
The eight rugby league supporters, who sat with Brisbane’s number 1 football supporter Mr Sammy Betros, owned the crowd as the cheered and chanted the Kangaroos to victory.
Many fellow spectators spent the match watching the cheer-squad from Dalby rather than the game.
Kangaroos’ captain Mr Darren Lockyer said it was the Dalby cheer-squad’s support that got them over the line.
“It was the Dalby cheer-squad’s support that got us over the line,” Mr Lockyer said.
The cheer-squad, made up of Mr Charlie, Mr Louis, Ms Maddy, Ms Philly and Mr Joseph Stephen, and Mr Simon and Mr Timothy Joseph, lead many crowd chants and started a number of Mexican waves.
Mr Lockyer said they were thinking of buying the eight tickets to the State of Origin to help Queensland get over the line.
The crazy New Zealand lady was unavailable for comment.


The Oakleigh Park cheer-squad at Lang Park  ¶ 4/26/2005 04:19:00 PM

  NEW GORDON TALLIS EMERGES
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

A young rugby union player from Ipswich has been touted as the next Raging Bull after a dominant performance on the weekend.
Mr Timothy Joseph of Ipswich Grammar School left thousands in his path as he stormed 25 metres to score a barnstorming try to help IGS to a 25-0 win over bitter rivals Downlands.
The try was the highlight of a strong game from Mr Joseph who made a number of other tackle-breaking hit ups.
Rugby League scout Mr Sammy Betros said he saw a lot of potential in the young second rower.
“Mr Joseph has a lot of skills and his sheer strength and power will see him dominate school rugby,” Mr Betros said.
“I expect the Bronco’s to try and steal him from Rugby Union very soon.”
Downland’s were icing their sore bodies and were unavailable for comment.  ¶ 4/26/2005 04:14:00 PM

  WALLY WEDDING RUMOURS
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Rumours are circulating that a passionate Queenslander is planning to marry a statue of his hero, Mr Wally Lewis.
Mr Timothy Joseph was seen kissing and hugging the statue of Wally before the ANZAC test at Lang Park on Friday night.
Witnesses said Mr Joseph seemed to be madly in love with the statue.
“He was kissing Wally right on the cheek, a huge peck!” one onlooker claimed.
Another witness said they thought they saw Mr Joseph whispering “Will you marry me?” into the statues ear.
It is currently against the law in Queensland to marry a statue, but it is believed that Mr Joseph has hired famous lawyer Ms Dominica Stephen to fight to have the laws changed to allow the marriage.
King Wally was unavailable for comment, as he is just a statue.


Mr Joseph embraces King Wally.  ¶ 4/26/2005 04:05:00 PM

  THE JOSEPH’S FINALLY MOVE!
By Sydney Reporter Miss Nat Joseph

It has finally happened, the big move back to the new house.
The major historic event took place on Thursday the 24th of March at 7:00 am.
The Sydney Josephs packed up there belongings and moved into their long awaited new house.
The whole event began in April last year when their beloved house was demolished and a new house rebuilt on the land.
“The 12 months have been difficult on everyone” quotes Anita Joseph, who is very happy to finally have her own room.
”We have a bigger TV to play the PlayStation on” says Joshua Joseph.
Mr. Jacob Joseph became quite concerned when he opened the cupboard and he could not see any food. All were pleased with the move.
Any who are to visit Sydney are welcome to stay as there is plenty of room.
Please book in advance as rooms are booking out fast.
The Hilton Hotels were unavailable for comment.  ¶ 3/26/2005 10:20:00 PM

  MACKLIN BARKS TO UNIVERSITY - HEADLINE WRITER FIRED
By Aussies Rules Corespondent Mr Nathan Macklin

Ex-Jindalee Jaguars and Ipswich Miners player Nathan Macklin has signed a new 1 year deal with the University Bulldogs. Macklin left the Division 3 side Ipswich in an attempt to further his career now playing with league heavyweights the Division 1 UQ Bulldogs.

Macklin was the star signing for the bulldogs over the off-season with fellow Ipswich on-baller Burton also coming across in the pre-season trading period. The coach has showed great faith in the Ipswich pair by starting them both on the ball in their Wizard Cup Regional Challenge Series Matches. They helped lead the Bulldogs to a 40 Point win over Central Districts Cougars in the first game and followed it up last week with a crushing defeat of the Redcliffe Tigers scoring 29.18.192 to Redcliffe’s 5.2.32.

Macklin was happy to get a start on the ball in the new look Uni team.
"This is a new look side the uni team, and I’m just happy to get a start on the ball" said Macklin
"Luke Ball?" some fool in the press conference followed up saying.

Macklin is tossing up the idea of leaving the Bulldogs to sign a 3 year deal with the Brisbane Lions but said he is still thinking about and with the trade window closed looks like he will stay a Bulldog till the end of 05'. Macklin is also a hot favourite for the Captaincy at the Uni Bulldogs with other hot contenders being Eddie, Burkey and Ice.

Luke Ball was unavailable for comment.

The QLD AFL are holding an SMS Poll to see who you think will Captain the UQ Bulldogs
SMS either "Macklin"
"Eddie"
"Ice"
or "Burkey"

with your first name to 0400327034.

An Entrant picked at random who votes for the Right choice will be notified via sms of details of their prize.  ¶ 3/22/2005 01:44:00 PM

  V8S REV UP ADELAIDE
By V8 Reporter Mr Matty Betros

The little known country town of Adelaide, South Australia, was revved up over the weekend thanks to the raucous created by the V8 Supercars. As per any event that takes place in the vast southern capital, the locals poured out in their wife beater singlets, tight fitting jeans, thongs and selection of Ford or Holden shirts.

Grasping Victoria Bitter, the most foul disgusting beer in Australia, supporters and ferals alike cheered on the likes of Marcus Ambrose, Mark Scaife and Craig Lowndes as the city came to life....for once.

Attending the race on Sunday was chief Adelaide reporter, Mr Matthew Betros: "I saw heaps of phat cars take the street with the best part of the Sunday race when Lowndes, Scaife and Ingall played chicken with Britannia roundabout corner (the tightest hair pin turn on the track coming off the longest straight)".

This straight goes pretty long and cars reach speeds of about 250-300 kmph i think as they enter the turn. As the 4 cars played chicken, Russel Ingall decided to cut in and take the corner first finding himself getting ploughed into a barrier.
Other big highlights include the nearly romantic chase for 2nd between Lowndes and Scaife in the last 10 laps, and Scaife's magnificent comeback from 29th on the grid to 3rd in 33 laps.

See, South Australia despite its share of rednecks, bogans and serial killers, still know how to party hard. Only downer is we had Lee Kernighan play instead of Powderfinger. BOO.

Darren Middleton was unavailable for comment.  ¶ 3/22/2005 01:43:00 PM

  INJURY CLOUDS SUPERSTAR'S COMEBACK
By Adelaide Correspondant Mr Matthew Betros.

Once again local legend Mr Matthew Betros has suffered a sever blow to his comeback season with Mercedes Old Collegian Soccer club. After a trouble and strife filled attempt at a preseason, he has managed to re-injure his knee.

After a brief consultation with the Surgeon, he recieved a Cortozone injection which is hoped to cull the swelling and allow a full recovery. Off for 2 weeks, Mr Betroswill attempt to take the field in 3 weeks and if nothing is better then Athroscopic surgery appears to be the best option.

If that fails, The star left midfielder will have to consider whether to take on the new title of young-old-fart and take up golf full time, or suck it up, and play through the pain.

The head of the Betros Geriatric society was unavailable for comment.  ¶ 3/17/2005 04:40:00 PM

  SUBWAY TAKE RISK ON NEW STAFF
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros.

Fast food outlet Subway have taken a 'significant risk' in hiring renowned job deserter Ms Clarence Stephen.
Ms Stephen took up a position with Subway this week after an intensive week of learning how to make the sandwiches.
However economic analyst Mr Sammy Betros said hiring Ms Stephen was not smart business.
"She has a long history of quitting jobs after a short time," Mr Betros said.
Mr Betros cited short employment stays with Betros Bros Dalby, Storage Space and AAPT within the past 12 months as proof of Ms Stephen's poor work history.
"Ms Stephen poses a significat risk to any employer who hires her," Mr Betros said.
The fat guy from Subway who lost all the weight was unavailable for comment.  ¶ 2/05/2005 09:51:00 AM

  SAMMY STARTS NEW WORK
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Former Ipswich celebrity now Brisbane resident Mr Sammy Betros has embarked on a new career with Queensland Treasury.
Mr Betros took a position as Graduate with the government department last week.
"I am very excited about this new career," Mr Betros said.
"I am particularly excited about getting paid!"
Mr Betros managed to survive his first week of full time work, but said getting up early every morning was pretty tough.
"Getting up early every morning was pretty tough," Mr Betros said.
The Treasurer was unavailable for comment.

  ¶ 2/05/2005 09:47:00 AM

  ADELAIDE ROCKS BRISVEGAS

By Chief Adelaidian Reporter Matthew Betros

Greetings to all. And I understand that this site has lacked an update. Please forgive the editor as he has been busy entertaining both myself and Mr Luke Beeeeetros from Adelaide. Firstly it must be said that there are way too many relatives. Over the past two weeks we have met many a person including:
Nat, Anita, Kate, Joey, Josh, Jacob, Taisa, Karen, Frank, Nix, Lou, EmmaT, Hil, Clare with an i, Liz, oh and a whole pile of other friends like brown-top Bridget and Jonathon. Not to mention that brigade of personages who camped out in true style at Oakleigh Park...and no i cant remember their names.

I have just gotten home and put my washing on the line, it stinks mainly because the weather in Queensland is quite the pathetic. But lets start from the beginning shall we. We left Adelaide on the 11th early in the morning. Luke got to the coast first as he got a direct flight and managed to get a quick train ride to the coast. I on the other hand endured a 2 hour stop over in Sydney followed by a delayed cruddy train ride to the coast where I immediately hit the beach and got sand in my crack.

That sand has managed to wax the hair off of my inner thigh as well. What is the go with your QLD sand? The water I must say was quite nice and as I stated many a time during my travels through the coast..."What happened to the ugly people? Did they all get shot up here?" Everywhere I went there were bikinis, which was not such a bad thing.

Moving along we left the coast after many a stupendous night burning around in the Nix-mobile to Hungrys and such. I must however draw your attention to the high prices of Hungry Jacks in Queensland. Pathetically high. But good food nonetheless.

We got to the farm on the Saturday. And boy was it hot. After settling in we met the tribe: aka the Stephen family. Clare had not managed to get off her sorry hairy legged bum to get there...so we waited for her as well. However it was good to see the gang again and of course the bright light bulb that is Eddy's bum. Many thanks to Ben in particular for ruining our killer shooting streak. You see the night before we left he took us shooting and we hit nothing. He shot a bird, but we shot nothing. He jinxed us because the night before that with Simon we managed to shoot a fox, 3 rabbits and two possums. However the highlight of the trip to Dalby-land was seeing Luke take a stick, roll his ankle, roll down a dam wall, into and electric fence where he both cut and electrocuted himself. Of course it was set up, as Ben and Simon wanted to shock “something” out of him. Oh and finally thanks a lot to Tim for spreading his bugs. Nice cough I now have Tim.

On the Wednesday it was off to Brisvegas for the most important part of the trip. Powderfinger. Seeing as this was our first time seeing Powderfinger we were considered by Samwise as "Virgins". I will leave the rest for Sam to tell. It was the joke of the day, if not the week. Mon, myself, Simon, Ben, Jeremy and Taisa had been separated from the main group in the mosh during the support band. Man they were shocking. We were behind these hot chicks who were all prettied up. Pity they had bad breath. But we managed to politely ask them whether we could get through. They were annoying and said no, so at the beginning of "Bless My Soul" Simon, myself and Ben charged through the lot of them and reached our buddies. In the mean time, Simon and Ben and I think Monica managed to douse Clare and Sam in water from the cups that we were given for water. This was the best night ever as Powderfinger are the best band ever.

Thursday saw us take to Dreamworld. Us being the collective term for Myself, Luke, Clare, Sam, and Johno. We managed to scrounge many rides into the first hour which was a little too much for the C-Bear who felt like chundering. That was a great day of fun. I have a photo from the Tower of Terror ride. Any ways, we then went to the Royal Exchange that night for a few jugs...of beer of course...and then headed home. Friday was a laid back day. We were totally knackered from the Dreamworld excursion so we played golf on a really hot day. Yes Me and Luke lost to Jezza and Samwise but I stress that this is because:

A: golf clubs were dodgy
B: not home turf
C: it was stinking hot

We didn’t finish the game because an electrical storm came through and wiped out any chance of living through the game without being fried alive. Additionally I lost many golf balls in the parasite infested water hazards that surround the holes. That night we had din dins at Jeremy and Taisa's house which was good. I am still rearing over the Brazilian pumpkin. I asked Sam if we would be having Brazilian chicken, and he said if we did it would be well waxed and plucked. Funny man, and as he said, the chicken was well pampered.

That night we headed to the Regatta for a great night out. And must I stress for the last time, NO, the guy who bought me that drink was NOT gay. He thought that it was cool that I came all the way to Brissy to drink and see Powderfinger. So Dom, no it is not a gay thing. Even if he was, I can’t help it if I’m a sexy beast.

Saturday was a relaxed day once more with a ten pin bowling tournament in which Clare lost. Clare loses a lot of things, and when she does she acts as if she won. Well that Saturday night we were exacting revenge on the pool table, when she began to put balls in the pocket without hitting them properly. Clare you dirty rotten cheat. And no you did not win wrestling. We drew that is why it said "DRAW". You beat Luke though and that is because he is crap.

Sunday was the day we went shopping. After having to sleep semi-naked because of the heat, and listening to Sam sing in his sleep whilst snoring at the same time, I out shopped Emma T. She is good but not that good. I got some new green shoes, new soccer boots some training tops and the like. Luke bought a dress, a nice blouse and the handbag fairy said hello as well. He tried on some fairy shoes "havianas" and a few bracelets. And Dom you were accusing me of gay-ness? Tssk tssk. Its all good, they were all for Sonya who enjoyed them very much. The day was topped off with an illegal swim in a pool where some guy died and then dinner at the Salt and Battery chip place. Nice indeed. Then we woke up today and went home.

Pictures to come soon, however my complaints list of Queensland is below:

1: Poor luggage handling (and now my bag is broken)
2: Bad Weather (it is 25 over here)
3: No Doughnuts at bakery
4: Curtains next to shower with mould on them...ask Aunty Kate bout that one
5: Late Train
6: Soon as I leave SA it caught on fire
7: No crime at all, so you dedicate a page in the paper to some stupid stobey pole that blocks some coot's driveway
8: Long LOOOONG line a sizzler and an impatient albino man with a beer gut
9: Waited an extra 1/2 hour for my food at Sizzler.

All in all it was a top Holiday. Thanks to all for the great time we had. And for the drinks we scored for free.

And that is "my story" (Stephen, C, 2005).

Powderfinger were unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 2/05/2005 09:44:00 AM

  SAMMY SUN NOT SHUT
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Rumours of The Sammy Sun Online's demise have been greatly exaggerated.
The Sammy Sun Online has been plagued with rumours regardings its closure for the past month as stories dried up.
The Editor of The Sammy Sun Online has also been missing without a trace.
However, in a statement mailed into The Sammy Sun yesterday, The Editor made contact and reassured loyal readers of the online newsletter that The Sammy Sun Online was not closed.
"Rest assured The Sammy Sun Online is still operating," the statement said.
"We are currently in the middle of moving offices, and have experienced some technical difficulties with connecting to the interent from our new premises."
"We hope the problem will soon be rectified and we will be in action again shortly."
"Thank you for your patience and we will be back in full time action shortly."
Rammy Scoo was unavailable for comment.  ¶ 1/30/2005 01:16:00 PM

  BOXING DAY A SUCCESS
By Monica Joseph

A successful boxing day was experience by members of the farm, who were bombarded with visitors.
Once again, the ‘Joseph Hostel’ lived up to its standards catering for 31 people.
The day stared with 8:30am Mass at Cecil Plains.
It was then back to the hostel to start the mass production.
All guests were put to work, whether it was chopping, cooking, cleaning, every guest was involved.
“We like our guests to be involved in the everyday life of the hostel” said Mrs Kate Joseph.
Around midday, the volume in the hostel peaked around 100 decibels with the arrival of the “Betros’” from Toowoomba and Cairns.
“We always knew they were a noisy lot” said Ms Monica Joseph, who was present at the gathering.
“Luckily the Ipswich Betros’ were missing otherwise the noise would have been twice as loud.”
Unfortunately, the two youngest Betros’ were a bit overwhelmed but soon settled down, and before long could be heard yelling like all the rest.
A mass production occured in the kitchen with 4kg of meat being used to make the “kipbi”.
Cold meats, salads, and of course sausages were also served.
Along with pavola and strawberry cheesecake for dessert.
Guests were lucky enough to watch “the highlights of State of Origin over the past 25years”, and be part of the fantastic atmosphere.
That afternoon, a mud fight occurred, and after about 1/2hr Mr Jeremy Betros could not maintain his dignity of being a ‘mature married man’ and ran to join them.
His wife, Taisa was warned by younger members “not to kiss him as he would be all dirty and muddy”.
Other entertainment was provided throughout the day, including a swim in the pool and rides on the motorbike.
Mr Charlie Stephen was unable to escape the “bullying” guests from down South and countless times was tied up and dragged about.
Finally, a bit of peace and quiet descended upon the hostel at 5pm when the ‘day’ guests left.
However, there was concern from Mr Jacob Joseph who asked “what will we have for dinner if the fridge, freezer and pantry are empty?”
He was quickly reassured when upon opening all of the above, he found them overflowing with food.
Currently, the Joseph Hostel is in a state of recovery after farewelling the last of their guests this morning.
However, they were alarmed when the guests turned around and came back.
Certain members are reported to have fled back inside and put up the ‘no-vacancy sign’.
Thankfully, one of the guest forgot their mobile phone, and once again peace and quiet descended upon the hostel.
The Minister for Chaos was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/30/2004 01:27:00 AM

  VACANCY AT JOSEPH HOSTEL
By Tourism Correspondent Ms Monica Joseph

A vacancy has arisen at the popular ‘Joseph’ Hostel, after the departure of New South Welshmen.
The Joseph hostel has been booked out for weeks, beginning the week before Christmas, where it provided accommodation for Ms Nicole and Louise Stephens, Ms Elisha Joseph and Mr John Nicholas.
In the past few days, the hostel has been full, accommodating for 12 people.
The guests are provided with a bed, 3 main meals, plus morning/afternoon tea.
A pool is available for the guests’ use, along with free farm entertainment/activities which range from shooting to riding the motorbikes.
Guests have given it ravie reviews with Mr John Nicholas quoting “I have never been so full in my life”.
Ms Nicole and Louise Stephens agreed voting “Yaya’s lamington’s as the best ever.”
Ms Natalie Joseph, one of the group from New South Wales, was fortunate enough to experience a ‘mudfight’.
“It was awesome” she said.
Ms Anita Joseph was most impressed with the bed quoting that it was “very comfy”.
Mrs Kate and Mrs Jan Joseph are the main organisers behind the hostel business.
These two women combined their extravagant cooking skills, to produce mouth watering meals. However, for their children/grandchildren and husband/son things can sometimes get a bit too much.
Mr Tim Joseph was most upset when told that “he wasn’t allowed anymore lamingtons as they were for the visitors.”
Mr Chris Joseph was also informed by Mr Jacob Joseph that “he wasn’t allowed to sleep in his bed, as Jacob wanted to sleep with Aunty Kate.”
Various other members of the household have given up their beds over the past few weeks.
“We love having them stay” said Mrs Kate Joseph. “but it is nice to have a bit of peace and quiet for a few days.
“We are expecting another wave in a few weeks time from Adelaide.
“But until then we have vacancies”.
Anyone wishing to stay at the Joseph Hostel should phone Ms Kate Joseph ASAP as rooms are going fast.
The Manager of the Hilton Hotel was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/30/2004 01:23:00 AM

  OP MARKS IN
By Education Correspondent Mr Sammy Betros

A number of local year 12 students have received their OP marks, the score which grades their entire secondary school studies.
Mr Ben Stephen, Mr Ben Betros and Mr Jake Betros all got their marks over the weekend.
Mr Stephen did the best of the three, scoring an impressive 5.
Popular belief suggested Mr Stephen would receive a score of around 10.
Mr Ben Betros also managed single figures, scoring a 9.
Rounding out the trio was Mr Jake Betros, who got a 12, a score better than expected.
The OP is a scoring system of 1-25, with 1 being the best score.
Previous scores by local celebrities are listed below:

Ms Dominica Stephen – 1
Ms Emily Betros – 1
Ms Gemma Betros – 2
Mr Sammy Betros – 3
Ms Clarence Stephen – 4
Ms Monica Joseph – 4
Mr Ben Stephen – 5
Mr Jeremy Betros – 6
Mr Ben Betros – 9
Mr Jake Betros – 12
Mr Nathan Macklin – 13

All three graduates were too busy partying still from Schoolies week and were unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/21/2004 05:38:00 PM

  NEW FAST BOWLER BURSTS ONTO SCENE
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

The cricketing world is a buzz with excitement after young fast bowler Mr Joseph Stephen’s outstanding debut on during the week.
Mr Stephen, labeled “The White-Butt Express” because of his unique tan, bowled with great consistency and speed during a number of cricket games at Oakleigh Park.
Australian cricket legend Mr Sammy Betros said Mr Stephen was one of the best bowlers he had ever faced.
”Mr Stephen is one of the best bowlers I have ever faced,” Mr Betros said.
“I think the cricketing world will be talking about the White-Butt Express for some time.”
Mr Stephen is expected to rise through the ranks quickly and is hoping to make the Ashes Tour in the middle of next year.
Glenn McGrath was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/19/2004 11:27:00 AM

  SAMMY SUN HITS 10 000
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

The Sammy Sun Online has registered its 10 000th visitor.
The 10 000th visitor logged on to the website sometime during the week of December 5th to December 11th.
The Editor of The Sammy Sun Online said it was a huge milestone for the online newsletter.
“The Sammy Sun had very humble beginnings, and now we have grown to a major media force on the Internet,” The Editor said.
The Sammy Sun started as a printed newsletter that was e-mailed to three subscribers – Ms Dominica Stephen, Ms Clarence Stephen and Ms Elizabeth Callaghan.
After 7 issues in printed form, The Sammy Sun moved online.
Originally, the website was used by only a small band of loyal readers.
However, over time, The Sammy Sun Online’s readership grew and now has loyal readers in all parts of Queensland, Australia, and around the world.
The Sammy Sun Online has experienced many layout changes over its life, but has now settled on its present form.
The Editor of The Sammy Sun Online said the year ahead would provide many challenges for the website.
”Our chief reporter is starting full time work next year and may not have the same time he once had,” The Editor said.
“However we are confident The Sammy Sun Online will be regularly updated and will survive for many years to come.”
Rupert Murdoch was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/19/2004 11:26:00 AM

  MORE CAR WOES FOR SAMMY
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Renowned good driver Mr Sammy Betros has encountered further bad luck in relation to his motor vehicle.
Mr Betros has experienced two incidents of bad luck within the past month.
The first took place in early November when Mr Betros’s car was backed into by another driver.
The damage was minimal, but the person at fault has refused to pay Mr Betros for the damage caused.
Further to this, the person, who cannot be named for legal reasons, has disconnected his phone and is ignoring all forms of communication made by Mr Betros in attempt to get the money for the repairs.
If this wasn’t enough to annoy Mr Betros, he was forced off the road by a maniac driver late last week who was driving on wrong side of the road.
Only Mr Betros’s quick reflexes saved both cars, but unfortunately the swerve resulted in Mr Betros crashing into the gutter, puncturing a tyre.
The maniac driving on the wrong side of the road sped off, fleeing the scene of the accident.
Mr Betros began pursuing the vehicle but quickly realised his tyre was flat and proceeded to change it.
“All these accidents have been so frustrating, especially considering none of them have been my fault,” Mr Betros said.
“And to make it worse the people who have caused the accidents have all run off and disappeared!”
Mr Betros is said to be praying that bad luck doesn’t come in threes, and his car will remain accident free into the new year.
The two bad drivers have disappeared off the face of the earth and are therefore unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/13/2004 03:06:00 PM

  THORPEY ENDORSES SAMMY SUN
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Mr Ian Thorpe has provided The Sammy Sun Online with perhaps its greatest endorsement during a phone call with The Editor.
Mr Thorpe called The Editor of The Sammy Sun Online and said the website was “fully sick”.
“Thorpey called me and he said the website was fully sick,” The Editor said.
“Coming from Thorpey, that means a lot to us. It means all our hard work is really paying off.”
The Sammy Sun Online is expected to receive up to 10 more hits a day on the back of the glowing reference from the Olympic gold medal winner.
“As far as I know, Thorpey just doesn’t throw away his fully sick compliments,” The Editor said.
”So far he has described only cereal and us as fully sick, so we feel quite privileged.”
Thorpey was on the phone to other people saying stuff was fully sick, and was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/11/2004 10:08:00 AM

  SCHOLARLY SAMMY GRADUATES
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

After five years of pretending to study and fluking his way through assessment, Mr Sammy Betros has finally graduated from university.
Mr Betros was granted the title of Bachelor of Economics, Level IIA in a ceremony at the St Lucia campus of the University of Queensland on Tuesday night.
The ceremony itself was described as tedious and boring by onlookers, but Mr Betros and a number of his associates made it more interesting for themselves.
Mr Betros said wearing the graduation uniform made him feel like an idiot.
“Wearing the graduation uniform made me feel like an idiot,” Mr Betros said.
Mr Betros now has just over a months holiday until he begins full time work.
The Chancellor of UQ was unavailable for comment.


Mr Betros and associates in their goofy costumes.
  ¶ 12/11/2004 10:07:00 AM

  ADELAIDE FAREWELLS HEROES
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Adelaide has said farewell to popular visitors Mr Sammy Betros, Ms Clarence Stephen, Ms Monica Joseph and Mrs Kate Joseph.
The group were farewelled by a massive crowd at Adelaide’s domestic airport.
“The turn-out was just amazing,” Mr Betros said.
“Who would have thought nearly all of Adelaide would show up just to see us off?”
There were claims that the farewell crowd only came to make sure the foursome left Adelaide, but these claims were quickly dismissed.
“The whole town loved us, they just wanted one last glimpse of their heroes,” Mr Betros said.
“Its understandable I suppose, the four of us were the best thing to happen to Adelaide since….since, well ever!”
The rest of the traveling foursome were unavailable for comment.


Mr Sammy Betros, Ms Monica Joseph and Ms Clarence Stephen wave goodbye to a crowd of millions at Adelaide Airport.  ¶ 12/10/2004 11:01:00 AM

  QUEENSLANDERS HELP SOUTHERNERS PARTY
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Four major Queensland identities flew into Adelaide last week to help local celebrity Mr Matt Betros celebrate his 21st birthday.
Ms Clarence Stephen, Mr Sammy Betros, Ms Monica Joseph and Mrs Kate Joseph attended the party in Adelaide on Saturday night.
The party was a roaring success, with a good time had by all.
Much of the party’s success was attributed to the attendance of the Queenslanders, who taught the South Australian’s a few tricks on how to party hearty.
An unnamed member of the crew ensured Mr Matt Betros would remember his 21st by making the birthday boy drink alcoholic punch from the bucket.
The moment is expected to go down in the history of Adelaide.
Adelaide is already in preparation for the next major party, the 21st birthday of Mr Matt Betros’s brother Luke.
The Queenslanders are expected to be the first people invited.
Mr Matt Betros was recovering from the punch bucket, and was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/10/2004 11:00:00 AM

  BETROS vs BETROS vs BETROS GOLF
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

The long anticipated showdown between three Betros golfers lived up to expectations at Adelaide’s Belair course.
Mr Sammy Betros, Mr Luke Betros and Mr Matt Betros faced off over 18 holes to see who could take the title as the best Betros golfer.
All three players were within a single shot going into the 18th hole, with Mr Luke Betros taking it out after remaining cool under pressure.
Mr Matt Betros had been favourite to take out the competition, leading by 4 strokes with only two holes to go.
However, taking his lead from his hometown compatriots the Port Power, Mr Matt Betros choked badly to finish last out of the three competitors.
Mr Sam Betros had a one foot putt to take out a share of the victory, but suffered from stage fright and pushed the putt wide.
Mr Luke Betros’s victory came with its share of luck, after receiving a fantastic ricochet from a tree after driving wide on the final hole.
A rematch is being scheduled between the three, with Queensland to host the return bout.
All three competitors were unavailable for comment.


Mr Matt and Mr Luke Betros at Belair  ¶ 12/08/2004 03:07:00 PM

  SECURITY NABS REPEAT OFFENDER
By Chief Reporter Mr Sammy Betros

Airport security have had to question suspicious traveler Mrs Kate Joseph on two separate occasions.
Mrs Joseph was singled out by airport security at the Brisbane Domestic Terminal for a random bag search after suspicions she had traces of fertilizer and gunpowder on her clothes and luggage.
Mrs Joseph claimed the fertilizer, used in the creation of a number of explosives, and the gunpowder residue was there just because she lived on a farm.
Airport security did not accept this excuse and took a swab sample from her clothing and luggage.
Mrs Joseph was again on the wrong side of security in Adelaide, and was accused of carrying weapons onto the flight.
Mrs Joseph was found with screwdrivers and corkscrews in her carry on luggage.
Although she claimed they were wrapped presents and she was unaware of their contents, security took action against Mrs Joseph and confiscated the dangerous goods and put them into the checked in luggage.
Mrs Joseph has now been red flagged by all major Australian airlines and is unlikely to be permitted to travel by air for some time.
She has also been placed under surveillance by the Australian government.
Mrs Joseph was unavailable for comment.
  ¶ 12/08/2004 03:05:00 PM